CDS Member News and Articles

Professional News Articles : FRONT DESK by Mary M. Byers, CAE : Seek first to understand

Seek first to understand

March 29, 2007

In his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, author Stephen Covey suggests working to understand others before you insist they understand you. It's one of the seven habits he identifies and explains in detail in the book. He writes, “'Seek first to understand' involves a very deep shift in paradigm. We typically seek first to be understood. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. They're either speaking or preparing to speak.”

Is that true for you? When you listen are you preparing your response instead of working to understand what's really being said? If so, seek first to understand. Doing so forces you to be other-centered, rather than self-centered, and that alone will make you a more valuable employee.

The next time someone suggests making a change in the office, rather than resisting, ask questions to help you understand why the change is necessary. Listen deeply. Understand completely. Then, if you have suggestions, ask if the person you're working with is open to other ideas. If so, go ahead and offer your suggestions—but not until you're sure you understand why a change is necessary to begin with.

It's good advice to “seek first to understand” in all interactions with other staff, your employer and patients. Doing so shows you value each of these partners in the dental office. It helps build rapport and relationships. And it insures that you're working with a complete understanding of a situation before you react or pass judgment.

Because so many people respond to problems or change with a knee-jerk reaction, the very fact that you seek first to understand will make you stand out in your work. Here are three great phrases to help you seek first to understand:

Let me make sure I understand what you're saying. Use this phrase before you summarize what you think you heard. This will clarify why you're summarizing and insure that the person you're talking to is listening to confirm your understanding.

May I clarify something? Use this question when you need to confirm a piece of information or ask additional questions to help you understand what's being said. This will keep the other party from feeling defensive when you ask follow-up or clarifying questions.

Do I understand this correctly? After you've summarized what you think you've heard and verified the bottom line, ask if your understanding is in line with the other person's. If not, the other person will have the opportunity to clarify his or her points.

“Seek first to understand” doesn't come easily or naturally for people. It's a habit that must be developed. It requires careful listening and a willingness to work at communication. Once it's a habit, however, it's a skill that will serve you well—both in and out of the dental office.